Monica Umunna shared how she could be respectful and composed with her boss but not with her husband.
She explored this dilemma in her TikTok video, “I gave my boss more respect than my husband …,” where she explained how she could control herself at work but not at home.
“The hardest truth I had to admit to myself as a wife was that I respected my boss at work more than I respected my husband,” Umunna said in her video.
She compared her approach to handling conflicts at work.
“Because if my male boss at work told me something I didn’t like, said something that I disagreed with, asked me to do something that I didn’t feel like doing, I was not disrespecting him. I was checking my tone before I responded. I was controlling my tongue,” she said.
However, at home, it changed drastically.
“But when it came to my husband, it was like this disability just went out the window,” Umunna observed.
Looking back, she found herself being more tolerant towards strangers than her husband.
“And I realized when reflecting that I had more self-control with complete strangers than I did with my spouse,” she said. “Because if I was in the grocery store, if I was out and about and someone did something that irritated me or frustrated me, I wasn’t just going off on them.”
Moreover, she admitted that she could be more patient with her friends.
“Even if I was in a disagreement with a friend, I would assume the best about them. I would try my best to work it out. And I wasn’t just speaking disrespectfully to them in the name of my feelings,” she added.
However, she observed that being more familiar with her husband made her less restrained toward him.
“And I realized that I had confused being comfortable with becoming careless with my spouse,” Umunna said.
According to her, this confusion may have been a constant problem in their marriage.
“But then I wondered why my husband constantly felt disrespected. Well, it was because I utilized self-control with everyone but him,” she explained.
Monica Umunna said this problem wasn’t about an inability to be respectful. Rather, she admitted that she was picky about using her self-control.
@monicaumunna One of the most humbling realizations I had as a wife was that I was perfectly capable of controlling my tone, choosing my words, and responding respectfully when I was frustrated. I did it all the time outside of my marriage, but somehow struggled to extend that same consideration to my own husband… The problem wasn’t that I lacked self-control. It was that I had become selective about when I exercised it. I had somehow convinced myself that because my husband was the person I was most comfortable with, he should also be the person who had to endure the worst of my emotions 🙃 But familiarity should produce greater love and consideration, not give us permission to become careless with how we treat one another. My husband shouldn’t receive less consideration simply because I’m confident in his love for me. If anything, he should receive more!! 🔥🫡🫶🏼🙏🏼
♬ original sound – Monica Umunna
