Journalist Finds Men Are Skipping Singles Events, And Thousands of Men Wrote In To Prove Her Point

A British journalist’s investigation revealed why men fail to show up at most speed-dating and singles-mixing events. Esme Hewitt, The Times of London’s social media editor, conducted the research, attended the events as a fly on the wall, and spoke with the organizers and attendees. In her follow-up TikTok video, she explained how she began the assignment.

“So last week I wrote a piece in The Times about why men are not showing up to dating events. I don’t know about you, but I was targeted left, right and centre with these events because online dating is dire. So I attended a few as a fly on the wall to speak to the attendees as well as the organisers and just see what the vibe was.”

The Times story starts at a bar in Dalston, east London, where 15 men and 15 women were placed close together to rotate every five minutes as soon as the host rang a silver bell. Without negronis, dim lighting and red candles, the picture may resemble the atmosphere of the late 1990s. Tickets for such dates sell well; however, the men are too scared to attend. The newspaper highlighted the story by saying that the dating events have a fatal flaw.

Hewitt said that the shortage was so severe that the organizers had to come up with something else.

“And I found that men are just not showing up. They’re not even signing up. But for one of the events, we had to sprint around London Fields recruiting single men because four had dropped out. So I wanted to understand why. And the general consensus that men told me was that it actually takes a lot of courage and vulnerability to put yourself out there and be judged and rejected. And I think women, because we have each other, we are more open to that because then it becomes part of the plot and the gossip and the silliness. Whereas for men, it feels more serious and forced and they have to almost be ready.”

These events represent a shift toward abandoning swiping. Eventbrite revealed that attendance at singles mixers and in-person dating events increased by 42% from 2023 to 2024, and the trend continues. Meanwhile, the app economy declines. A report from Match Group, the owner of Tinder and Hinge, projects flat revenue for 2025 and a 5% decline in paying users to 14.2 million. Bumble’s annual revenue has dropped compared with the previous year.

The survey data shows both a desire to meet in person and hesitation. According to an Ipsos poll of British adults, 59% of interviewees prefer meeting potential partners in person rather than in a virtual space. Among men aged 16 to 24, 50% said social media and dating apps are a major challenge in dating, and 46% admitted they lack confidence when meeting people in person.

People reacted to Hewitt’s reporting very fast and angrily.

“And I explained this in a video for The Times on social media, and the comments became flooded with thousands of men arguing with me and messaging me, saying that I’m wrong, saying that I’m not scared, I’m not shy. Why would I pay to be rejected? I hate women. Very, like, divisive, and instantly that made me feel angry and almost wanna fight back. And be like, well, women have it hard, too. And duh, duh, duh, duh.”

Hewitt didn’t answer all those comments; she used the video to show that both sides are reacting to the same shift.

“I just think dating feels so divisive and so angry. We’re both so upset with each other, and we’re trying to blame each other for, for this shift in expectations and gender roles, essentially. You know, like, we’ve grown up with our parents as role models who have taught us or shown us that the men go to work, the women look after the children. Women have to compromise. We do all the work. Whereas now we’re more financially independent and educated than ever. We don’t need to select a man based on their ability to provide for us. And so men are sort of, yeah, having to grapple with that shift. And we’re also seeking more emotionally, like, open partners that they’ve been taught to hide. And, like, the manosphere doesn’t make it any easier.”

Hewitt notes the educational gap. In the 2025 UCAS admissions cycle, women got into undergraduate courses in Britain 28% more than men, that is, about 320,000 women against 249,000 men. Among 18-year-olds, 41% of women went to higher education, compared with 30% of men.

The attitudes shifted along with the numbers. The same Ipsos poll revealed that 51% of men aged 16 to 24 think that Britain went too far in promoting the equality of women, and therefore it now discriminates against men, whereas 35% believe that it is true for the whole society. 37% of men in the age group mentioned above stated that a man earning less than his partner is less of a man.

Hewitt finishes the video by appealing for a truce.

“And I just think we need to have more grace and more empathy for one another rather than passing the blame. Because it’s challenging and it’s difficult. Like, it’s f*cking tough. I don’t know what we’re gonna do. But at least these dating events are showing that people can want love, and that’s okay.”

@esmehewitt

Dating is harder than ever because expectations and gender roles have changed massively in the past decade. Women no longer rely on men to provide for them, and men are being expected to up their game, compromise, be vulnerable, make the first move but not be creepy, basically change everything they’ve probably learnt from watching their parents. It’s tough. But we live in a patriarchal society where women have always had expectations and beauty standards to meet. I think when criticising dating we can pass the blame on one another and it can feel like a battle between us when really, it’s tough for both parties!!! Yes men aren’t turning up but what have they been taught about love and relationships. Women have each other to confide in it it goes wrong but men don’t speak about their feelings to the extend women do. Generalisations of course but interesting. Ps to the angry men in the comments saying ur not scared of going to these events. It’s ok if you are x #dating #love #relationships #gendernorms

♬ original sound – Esme