This Sabrina Carpenter Fan’s “Man’s Best Friend” Tracklist Theory Is So Good It Might Be Real

Sabrina Carpenter hasn’t dropped a single tracklist yet for her hotly anticipated seventh studio album. 

“Man’s Best Friend,” but that didn’t stop the internet from spiraling into full-on detective mode. The cause of this beautiful chaos? One unhinged, brilliant, hilarious, and suspiciously accurate Twitter thread that now boasts over 1 million views and counting.

And the mastermind behind this viral theory storm? Xuser @shortnsabrinas, a devout Carpenter stan with a PhD in pop culture subtext and a sharp eye for music video Easter eggs. Their now-iconic tweet begins:

“EVERY potential album track Sabrina teased in the Manchild MV, A THREAD~~~’”

Thus began a cultural moment.

Sabrina’s Manchild Era Unleashed Something Feral

With Manchild debuting at #1 in the UK and blowing up TikTok as a feminist anthem wrapped in bubblegum venom, fans knew something deeper was coming. Carpenter herself teased “Man’s Best Friend” (dropping August 29) with an album cover showing her in heels, a black dress, and a collar, being walked like a literal dog. Subtle? Not even close.

But it was @shortnsabrinas who really peeled the layers back.

Throughout the now-iconic thread, they scoured the Manchild music video for visual cues and turned them into a satirical, witty, and scarily plausible 12-song album theory. The result? It’s a fan-led feminist fantasy that’s funny, cutting, and terrifyingly on-brand.

“The Elephant in the Room” and Other (Alleged) Bangers

Here are some highlights from the thread that had fans both cackling and clutching their pearls:

“The Elephant in the Room”: A razor-sharp opener taking on how society refuses to address how men objectify and dehumanize women. Subtle like a freight train. Needed like water.

“Counting Sheep”: About women pretending to be into it to get through it. “She just wanted to read a book or sleep… but now she’s counting sheep.” Heartbreaking. Groundbreaking.

“Self-defense!” Picture Sabrina in stilettos and a mini dress, pulling out a can of pepper spray. This one’s about the terrifying reality women face just trying to get home safely: a bop and a battle cry.

“Back to the Kitchen”: A sarcastic anthem ripping to shreds the idea that a woman’s place is in the kitchen. According to the thread, this is peak Carpenter sarcasm, like if Hairspray met Misandry the Musical.

“Woman For Sale!”: Think marketplace vibes. It is a brutal takedown of how society allows women to be bought, discarded, and devalued like expired produce. Serve us that rage, Sabrina.

The Viral Thread Didn’t Stop There

It kept giving.

“Abstinence”: A song aimed at flipping the blame back on men for once. Why should women be held responsible for men’s inability to behave? Additionally, fans noted a fictional book with this title in the Manchild video.

“A Man Who Can Drive”: Satirical and silly, this one supposedly mocks the idea that men must always be in control, especially behind the wheel.

“Crime Scene”: For the emotionally bruised. It is a ballad about relationship destruction and the way the media always paints women as villains.

“Pigs”: No explanation needed. Men equal pigs. It’s giving blunt-force trauma.

“Crystal Clear”: The theorized closing track, described as her Miley Cyrus Flowers moment. The feminist mic drop.

“Moby Dick???”: This one was chaos. The fan just needed a twelfth song. Iconic behavior, honestly.

And then, to top it off like a cherry on a misandrist cake, a bonus suggestion:

“Wake Up!”: A final, loud, urgent anthem urging the world to evolve already. Feminism isn’t optional. It’s overdue.

Fans Are Eating This Up and Asking If @shortnsabrinas is in the Room With Sabrina Carpenter

The thread blew up for obvious reasons: it’s smart, it’s scathing, and most importantly, it feels so possible. Fans flooded the replies with memes, gifs, and messages like:

“Are you SURE you didn’t co-write this album with her?”

“This is actually better than most official press releases.”

“Sabrina better give this person songwriting credit and health insurance.”

Even casual listeners are now perched for Man’s Best Friend, wondering if the actual tracklist will live up to the one imagined by the internet’s new favorite feminist satirist.

Is Man’s Best Friend the Feminist Pop Album of the Year?

If this fan theory is even half accurate, then yes, Man’s Best Friend is about to be the most savage, stylish, and socially relevant album since Lemonade. Sabrina Carpenter has already shown she can do bubblegum with a blade hidden in it. But this era? It’s looking like it’s all blade, no gloss.

So to @shortnsabrinas: thank you for your service. The Carpenterverse salutes you. You just raised the bar, and Sabrina’s team better be watching.

Because when Man’s Best Friend drops, we’re not just listening for pop. We’re listening for payback.