A TikTok influencer named Christy Wong responded to the internet’s outrage about her dating preferences in her video titled “Is it okay to have Racial Preferences in Dating?” Wong claimed people are missing the point of attraction and criticizing what they can’t control.
First, Wong set the context and described people’s reaction to her earlier statement about her dating preferences.
“People get very upset when hearing that other people have dating preferences,” Wong said. “So I said that my preferences are white Americans, Chinese, and Koreans, and a lot of people are very upset with that. So let’s talk about it, because I personally don’t think it’s worthwhile criticizing other people’s dating preferences.”
Then, she addressed the argument that people’s preferences may be affected by the media and historical background.
“I said that my preferences come primarily from familiarity. But a lot of people say that our preferences can also be largely shaped by media and history, and it can reflect, internalize racism. And I don’t disagree with that. There’s no denying that that is definitely true. The media shapes what we find attractive. It shapes what I find attractive. It shapes yours. I don’t think anybody is above it,” she said.
However, Wong found it irrelevant to acknowledge such influences, as they don’t answer how someone can change his/her preferences.
“But what I don’t understand is, attraction is not a decision,” Wong says. “You can’t argue with someone to make them attracted to something that they’re not, and you certainly can’t shame someone to be attracted to something that they’re not drawn to. So if we’re all subject to these same forces, and then you judge me for having the preferences that I have, claiming that it’s due to conditioning from societal media, history. Yeah. And, like, so what? Like, what am I supposed to do about that?”
Wong also explained that having dating preferences doesn’t mean someone will only date representatives of certain races.
“I already said that just because I have preferences for certain races, it doesn’t mean that I absolutely will not date another race. I think that is a whole conversation. I didn’t come on here and say I would never date X, y, Z I said I prefer X y, Z, so how are those two things the same? Like, you can be upset at me for having these preferences, but what is the solution? Is the solution to go out and date people that I’m not drawn to? Like? That doesn’t make sense either, right?” Wong states.
Moreover, she claimed that different dating preferences create different types of relationships, not disrespect.
“I think some people have preferences for this and other people have preferences for that romantically, and that’s fine. Like, the people who have preferences for each other would date and meet, and the people who don’t have preferences for each other can be friends or like can interact with in other ways. It doesn’t mean that just because I don’t prefer you romantically, it means I’m going to treat you any less than or inferior to the other people that I would prefer romantically,” she said.
Furthermore, Wong said the public should focus on housing, jobs, and workplace discrimination rather than people’s dating preferences.
“I just don’t see the point in harping on someone’s romantic dating preferences,” Wong states. “Because what truly matters on a larger societal scale is biases when it comes to fairness in housing, in how we treat people in professional settings, in hiring decisions. My personal romantic preference shouldn’t matter as long as I make sure these preferences don’t bleed into other areas of my life, which they don’t. Like, I don’t treat people differently based on their race. I just have preferences for who I want to date romantically.”
Wong also said that romantic relationships have different norms than public relations.
“And I don’t think the same fairness is owed in an intimacy and romantic setting. Because I’m not obligated. Nobody is obligated to be Romantically desiring anybody? It’s a personal choice. Who I date and who I desire should not be any of your business,” she said.
At the end of the video, Wong summarized her message and shared her view on how most people behave in this situation.
“My key point is, as long as these preferences don’t bleed into other areas of my life, and I’m not treating people differently, which I am not. Like, why does it matter? And I think personally that everybody has preferences when it comes to dating, and they’re either self-aware and honest about it, or they’re in denial. But that’s just my personal opinion,” Wong said.
@christy.wong ♬ original sound – Christy | RHYS New York
