A woman named Bri revealed that she told her husband she’s gay after 12 years of marriage. The story was told in a TikTok video, “How I came out to my husband…”
She said she did it one year ago, and it took her a while to decide to speak up and share her experience publicly.
“A year ago today, I came out as gay to the man I was married to for 12 years. And I’m finally ready to talk about how that conversation went,” she said.
She mentioned that she came out to herself one month before talking to her husband and used that time to explore how she feels about that.
“A month before I had this conversation with him, I came out to myself. And I took that whole month to kind of unpack what I was thinking and feeling and how I came to this conclusion that I am gay. And took a lot of time to process that before knowing what to say to him,” Bri said.
Her husband went on a business trip shortly after the Fourth of July, giving her time to prepare.
“After the Fourth of July, he went on a business trip and was gone for a few days, which is actually really great for me. I was home alone with just me and my kids. And I was able to really figure out exactly what I needed to say to him. Cause he knew something was going on. I was crying all the time. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating, I was laying in bed a lot. I was just really consumed with the grief and the thought that I’m gay and I don’t know what to do with this,” she said. “So he knew something was going on, but he just didn’t know what I knew that I needed to tell him immediately when he got home.”
She said she had the talk with her husband as soon as he returned home.
“So immediately when he got home, I grabbed his hand, I pulled him out onto the deck, and we sat on the couch out there, and I basically blurted it out. Well, not exactly. I said, I have something I need to tell you. It took the biggest breath of my life, and I said, I’m gay. He looked at me, and he said, well, I know you’re bisexual, and I said, no, I’m gay,” she said.
She didn’t remember much from that conversation, but she recalled his first response.
“I blacked out a lot of this conversation, but what I do remember him saying was, thank you so much for being courageous and telling me this. And then he gave me a hug, and I started sobbing. That was not really the reaction I was expecting. I don’t really know what I was expecting, but I was a little bit taken off guard on his initial reaction,” Bri said.
However, during the talk, he started to worry about her financial future.
“Like I said, I don’t really remember much of the conversation, but I remember that the truth of what I had told him was kind of settling in, and the reality and fear of me being a poor, single mom got brought up. And I looked at him, and I said, I would rather be poor and free,” she said.
She said that day was the scariest of her life.
“Coming out to him was the scariest thing I’d ever done. I had never looked fear in the face in that way before and still chose to do the hard, scary thing. I didn’t eat anything that day. I think I ate a Chomps bar. I think that’s all I had that day. I literally couldn’t even feed myself because I was so consumed by the terror of what I was about to say. And I knew that my whole life was about to change in every single way after I told him. And so I just couldn’t do anything but breathe, survive, and gather everything I wanted to say to him. So I told him everything. I told him how I figured it out. I told him why I knew. I told him everything. And it all just came spilling out,” she said.
They spoke throughout the whole night.
“Do you remember going into bed? It had been a few hours since we had been out there. Ended up waking me up in the middle of the night because he still needed to process all the things that were happening. And so we talked for hours until the sun rose. Neither of us got hardly any sleep that night. Both were coming to terms with the reality of what I had discovered about myself,” Bri said.
But divorce was not discussed that first night, even though their marriage broke later.
“The topic of divorce didn’t really get brought up in that initial conversation, which was actually kind of nice, because I think I needed to separate the coming out from any talk of actually breaking up. As the weeks went by, we realized that our marriage was going to end,” she said.
She mentioned that guilt and shame almost made her stay silent.
“For a lot of things about my marriage and about my life that I was just dismantling as I was coming out and as I was separating and as I was choosing a more authentic life. And I’m really grateful that I listened to myself, even though there were so many times when the guilt and the shame and the thought of being so selfish tried to keep me stuck in a life that I knew was no longer serving me, in a life that was requiring me to shrink. I’m really grateful that I did the really scary thing. I’m really grateful that I told him the truth,” she said.
She said she told him everything as soon as she figured out her sexuality.
“It took a month to process and uncover my sexuality. And then I was as honest with him as I could be, as soon as I could be. And I’m proud about that, because I truly didn’t know I was gay until I knew. And then a month later, I told him, and then I released him. Sometimes I think the biggest act of love is letting someone go when you know you can’t be what they need and they can’t be what you need,” Bri said.
She ended the video by addressing those in the same situation.
“If you’re wondering how you could possibly ever have this conversation with your husband, just know that I understand the fear, and I understand the pain completely. Coming out was just as painful as it was a huge weight lifted. So if you’re navigating this, please know I’m here for you. I am rooting for you. I am always in your corner. I am always supportive of you. You got this,” she said.
@brianaksmith I’ve never really talked about the actual conversation where I came out to my husband. So here it is. 🤍 #lateinlifelesbian #lateinlifelesbiansupport #comingout #comingoutsupport
♬ original sound – Bri
