Montana Yao is one of the few people who spent most of her life in a relationship. Two years after her divorce, Yao says she’s very happy without a significant other, saying she never expected to feel this way while single, and as a single mother caring for her children, she just doesn’t have time to date.
Yao addressed the question in one of her TikTok videos, shot while she was driving to school to pick up her kids. Fans often ask questions about Yao’s dating life and relationship advice, so she decided to answer them once and for all.
“So I often get asked about my dating life and relationship advice and, like, dating as a single mom now that I’m divorced and things like that, and I’ve never really spoken on it,” Yao said. “So I decided to make a little video today to kind of, like, share with you guys my feelings about that and, you know, how I’m dealing with dating.”
First of all, Yao has been in two rather lengthy relationships.
“I’ve been in two very long relationships in my life,” she said. “When I was in high school, I had a high school sweetheart, and we literally dated from, like, the first week I got into freshman year till a year after I graduated high school. So, like, literally my entire high school and, like, the first year of me being at community college, I was in a relationship, and that was the only guy I was ever with.”
The relationship lasted around five to six years, she added. About a year or a year and a half after being alone, she met the man whom she eventually married.
“Then I was single for, like, about a year, maybe a year and a half, and then I met my ex-husband when I was, like, 19, 20, and then I was with him until I was 27,” Yao explained. “So yeah, I was in a relationship for the majority of my life. I haven’t really been single since I was, like, 13 years old.”
Being alone scared Yao at first, because the feeling was tied to her childhood.
“For me, it was, like, always a really scary concept, and I don’t know why. I mean, I think I’ve figured out now why through being single, but, like, for a long time, I was like, because I’m an only child, I, like, crave connection and crave, like, companionship and things like that,” she said. “So the thought of being single really, really scared me, and I just didn’t want to do it.”
Now everything has changed for her.
“Now that I’ve been single for two years, I’m genuinely really happy being single,” Yao said. “It’s, like, scary how content I am because I’m so, like, comfortable in my ways now and, like, not having to be with anybody and not having to answer to anybody and all the things that come with the relationship. Like, I just love my freedom, my peace, everything.”
“I just wanna say for anyone that has felt that way about being single, I think that taking time to be alone is so important in life,” Yao said. “I’m so glad I finally had this time to, like, really self-reflect and really, like, you know, do the inner work, sit with yourself and heal and do things that you can’t really normally do or address in a relationship. That’s not to say you can’t, but I mean, it was just easier for me to kind of do that alone.”
“There’s just so many things that come with, like, kind of having to sit with yourself and be alone and handle your emotions alone and handle day-to-day things alone,” she said. “Anyways, it was just really good for me. I think it’s really good for anybody to have some time alone, whether that’s, you know, a long period or however long.”
Yao isn’t actively looking for a partner now.
If something happens, wonderful, but if nothing does, Yao says she’s completely fine with it.
The longer she stays single, the happier I’ll become in finding the right person.
“I think when you’re in a position where you’re, like, craving companionship or relationship or being with somebody, you kind of, like, easily ignore red flags, or you just kind of make excuses for things because you’re wanting something to work with somebody,” Yao said. “I’ve done that before, and I’m at a point now where I’m like, I’m not gonna do that anymore. I’m not gonna, like, settle for anything. I’m gonna make sure that this person checks all my boxes. Granted, nobody can be perfect; I know that.”
For Yao, the biggest issue in her relationships now is the time.
“It’s so crazy to me, dating as a single mom, ’cause I can’t date,” she said. “There’s been people that I’ve talked to over the span of this two years that I’ve been single, and I’m, like, interested and, like, vibing with, and it’s like, realistically, I genuinely can’t date right now. Like, I don’t have the time. I’m a full-time single parent.”
She shot the video while driving to pick up her children from school.
“Like, right now I’m driving on my way to pick up my kids from school. It’s 2:55 p.m.,” she said. “I drop them off every morning at 8 a.m. Like, I have to be home with them the whole rest of the night. I just don’t have time or energy. Like, when I’m not with my kids, I wanna, like, do things for myself, like work out.”
Men often think she’s trying to avoid them when they ask to date.
“When people ask me about dating or, like, people try to pursue me and they, like, try to take me on dates or try to, like, plan things with me, I’m like, you genuinely don’t understand. Like, I don’t have time,” Yao said. “And I think guys a lot of the time think that I’m, like, not interested or I’m, like, making excuses or whatever. They’re like, ‘You can make time if you really wanted to.’ Like, no, I really can’t.”
Yao can hire a nanny, but it costs money, and besides, her parents have other obligations.
“Unless I have a nanny, which, mind you, that cost money,” she said. “My parents, who usually help me, but they also have lives and work and everything. Besides that, I don’t have a coparent to help me watch my kids. So it’s, like, literally, just, like, I literally just don’t have time.”
For her, this period turned into an opportunity to take care of herself and her children.
“I’ve decided in my head, like, God and the universe is basically just, like, sitting me down for this period of my life to, like, really focus on myself and my children and pour all my time and energy into my children, which I’m so happy to do, and I am so … grateful,” she said. “It’s my greatest joy to pour into my children. I absolutely adore them, and I’ve grown so much closer with them.”
Her children satisfied many of her previous needs for companionship.
“They have fulfilled so much of those emotions of, like, loneliness or emptiness or whatever, like, I was feeling that I had always felt like I needed, like, a partner, companion or something,” Yao said. “Like, obviously not the romantic part, but every other part, they, like, fill my cup. Like, they fill my needs. They absolutely adore me. I absolutely adore them.”
“We have so much fun together. We watch movies together, we work out together, we, like, sing together, dance together. They sleep with me, like, everything,” she said. “They’re just, like, my little people.”
However, Yao wouldn’t refuse a relationship with the right person.
“I’m not really looking for anybody right now. If some amazing person comes along and, like, just, like, adds to my life, then great, and I would love and be open to exploring that,” she said. “But for now, I am happy, and I’m enjoying my time in my life, my peace, my children.”
She said she will make one more video to address more aspects of dating and relationships.
“Y’all let me know if there’s, like, parts of this that I spoke about that you want me to go into detail on, and I will definitely make another video,” she said.
At the end of the video, Yao left a message for her followers.
“I hope everybody has a great rest of their day. Love, love, love to everybody. Spread positivity, not hate, and go out and be great. Get 1% better every day,” she said, before adding, “I can’t f***ing talk today. Anyways, love you guys.”
