Woman Opens Up About Life After Sexual Assault: “Unhinged Things I Did to Heal”

Los Angeles content creator posted a TikTok video revealing strange ways she tried to recover from sexual assault. Her list of recovery techniques included talking to a trustworthy person, crafting an alter ego online, going to dance classes, and ultimately filing a report with the police.

In her post titled “Unhinged things I did to heal after s3xual assault,” Ariel Lyndsey used a digit to change a letter in order to bypass filters. She referred to the video as “episode one of things I shouldn’t say.”

“These are some of the unhinged things I did to help heal after I was sexually assaulted,” Lyndsey stated.

The creator clarified that those were long-term experiences.

“For context, this was over a time span of like, a few years, because if you’ve been raped or sexually assaulted, you know that that trauma lasts a long time. So I don’t really need to explain myself in that regard,” Lyndsey noted.

Lyndsey stressed that her post is not advice for anyone.

“Keep in mind this is not advice necessarily,” she said.

According to Lyndsey, in 2020 she was drugged and raped. The first person she told about the incident was a male friend.

“Literally, I think the first time I told somebody about it, if I remember, it was a guy,” Lyndsey said. He was a friend that I was. He was kind of like friends, a friend of mine, friends with benefits. But I trusted him. And I didn’t have men in my life in Los Angeles at the time, cause I was new to L.A. That I trusted, really.”

“But I basically invited him over, asked if he could come over, and that I, like, something happened and I wanted to tell him. I wanted to, like, talk to him about it. I did let him know that I was like, not okay. And he was like, 100%, I’ll come over and whatever,” Lyndsey said. “He was one of. I’m pretty sure he was the first person I told, if I remember correctly. And then we hooked up.”

Lyndsey said that the sexual intercourse between her and the man was consensual, and she learned the meaning of it only lately.

“Now, I’m not saying, go do this, but I, now, looking back consciously, was because I felt safe with him. And because we had before. And because it was consensual. And because we, like, we were actually attracted to each other. It was, like, a way for me to reclaim agency of myself, like, as I was, as fast as possible, if that makes sense,” Lyndsey noted.

Lyndsey and the man are friends now, she said.

“I think he knows this. Like, we’re still friends. He knows that if I need his help with … he knows that I can still. I can call him and be a witness and stuff like that. So, anyways, yeah, that was one thing,” she said.

Afterward, Lyndsey poured all her energy into developing an online alter ego.

“The next thing that I did was I poured all of my energy into, like, an alter ego of myself. And I did it. I, like, compartmentalized my, like, the trauma. And I built, like, an online personality. And then my. My. I grew my TikTok to over 1 million that year. And it was, like, insane,” Lyndsey said.

“So this was, without me realizing it until later, helping me heal. Because I was, like, pouring into myself. And because I was doing it as, like, a coping mechanism, as, like, with another identity, which really wasn’t, like. It was, like, not me. It was just, like, kind of an online personality,” Lyndsey said. “If you remember, I was like, aha! and I used to throw back, and I used to, like, whatever, but it was also literally like, helping. It was.”

She said the persona gave her some distance from what had happened.

“There was a younger version of me that I was also kind of living vicariously through, if that makes sense,” she said.

The period also coincided with changes in her occupation.

“This is when I started streaming on Fortnite on Twitch. I was painting all the time; I was streaming full time. That’s how I was making my income. And it was like. It was like a safe space to be. I basically poured everything into my community in this, like, identity. And it literally. I didn’t even realize it until later how much. How much that helped me,” she said.

In addition, Lyndsey said that she was sending messages and videos to the man she accuses of sexual assault. She mentioned him in the video and said that FBI investigators were involved in her case. These claims could not be independently verified, and no charges have been confirmed yet.

“Whatever I would send, I would send him texts, and I would be like, like demanding accountability, basically. Like, I kept like, trying to force accountability out of this man or force an apology. Like, I was just so upset cause it took me so long to realize, like, what actually happened,” Lyndsey said.

“I remember sending him this TikTok one time where this guy was talking about like, like roofing or intoxicating someone and then like, assaulting them and how that’s rape. And I sent it to him,” she said.

Referring to the man she accuses, she added, “Yeah, he will probably end up in jail, but anyways, as of right now, whatever.”

Dance classes were another part of her recovery.

“The other things that I did that were unhinged, that helped me heal tremendously was taking dance classes. Heals classes specifically. That also helped heal from my divorce, but it’s a different topic. It just helped me reconnect with my body and reclaim my agency,” Lyndsey said.

She tried different types of dances.

“And I moved through different versions of that with myself, even some being like, even more like hyper sexualized, like dance, and then to like, contemporary. And I’m not a professional contemporary dancer necessarily, but it was just taking all these different styles of dance to like, all different styles to help me reconnect with myself and my body. And yeah, that became a. That was a huge part of my healing,” she said.

Filing a police report was also very important to Lyndsey.

“And then believe it or not, reporting to the cops was also also a huge part of my healing. I know it sounds crazy, reporting it and then talking about it and going on a podcast and talking about it,” Lyndsey said.

Lyndsey admitted that the video just skims the surface of each item she discussed.

“I’m trying to list so many things that I have like, so much more depth in them, honestly, so it’s probably like not doing it justice,” she said.

Discussing her experience with sexual assault publicly allowed Lyndsey to meet other women who had a similar experience with the same man.

“But yeah, then talking about it online, cause once I talked about it online, that’s how I find I like, was met, able to connect with all these other women that also had the same abuser. So, yeah, crazy,” Lyndsey said.

She concluded her post by mentioning its length.

“Alright, this is long. Okay. Love you,” Lyndsey said.

@ariellyndsey

things I shouldn’t say ❤️ #visibilitychallenge

♬ original sound – ariellyndsey

The National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, can be reached at 800.656.HOPE (4673).