An Indian woman who goes by @roopzthereitis on TikTok said her mother showed no reaction when she got engaged at 24. However, the warm welcome she has received from her fiancé’s family convinces her she has chosen the right family to marry into.
She posted a series of videos telling about her family’s opposition to her relationship with a Black man. In her latest post, she described how her family and her fiancé’s family reacted to the engagement.
“Wait, don’t scroll. Just. Just stick with me for a second while I explain something to you, and hopefully you can watch until the end of this video. The first time I ever got engaged, I was 24 years old. I ran home, uh, to tell my parents, and the first person I saw was my mom. So I showed her the ring. She kinda looks down on it, doesn’t say anything. She kinda, like, gives, like, a little face, and she turns around, and she goes right back to working in the kitchen. No congratulations, no hug, no smile, no nothing,” she said.
She said that in this case, the reaction was quite the opposite.
“It wasn’t until this time when I got engaged, I felt so much joy from a mother. And it was just proof that I knew that I was doing the right thing by marrying into this family because of how loving they are. I have literally been chasing my mother’s love my entire life. Literally. You guys have no idea. I have been in therapy for so many years trying to undo all this pain and hurt that I have gone through with her. But now that I am living my life all over again, I am super excited to finally have a mother who is going to be very loving and supporting. So enjoy the next clip. Ha ha! Hello,” she said.
@roopzthereitis
Before, she talked about her parents’ reaction to the white woman whom her brother married without asking about her past and background.
“If I were to bring home a white man, my parents would roll out the red carpet for him. So my brother actually brought home a white woman to introduce to my parents. And they accepted her immediately. They actually didn’t even ask her any questions, like what her profession was, where she worked, how much money she made. Because her being white automatically just checked off all the boxes for them,” she said.
Moreover, she noted that her brother’s wedding was quite popular while hers hasn’t drawn such a big crowd.
“My brother had a very easy wedding. Everybody showed up. Everybody was happy that he married somebody that wasn’t black,” she said.
This, according to her, proved the double standard of race in her family.
“It was clear to me that because I was dating a black man. That my mom has conditional love for me. And I know that’s a really hard concept for a lot of people to wrap their head around. Because a parent is always supposed to love their child unconditionally. But the fact that I haven’t spoken to her in seven years. Because I have been dating a black man. Shows that her hate for black Americans is stronger than her love for me,” she said.
@roopzthereitis
In her earlier videos, the woman talks about her father’s refusal to meet her partner. In her first video, she explains that she tried to set up an appointment with her father, got no response, and finally reached him via video call.
“So I have been dating a black man for the past several years, and I thought it would be time for my dad to meet him. So I texted and asked him if he would meet. Never responded. So finally, I was able to FaceTime him, and he said, absolutely not. He got really upset, saying that he doesn’t accept this. He wants nothing to do with meeting this man. And he just kept saying over and over again, ‘No black people, no black people,'” she said.
And in the second try, she got an even angrier answer.
“The following day, I asked him again. I thought maybe he just needed some time to process things. And again, he got even angrier than he did the day before and told me, no black people, no black people. They’re no good. I don’t want you to do anything with him. Cut it off. Cut your losses. You can find somebody else. And he hung up the phone on me.”
This conversation leaves her torn about whether to stop speaking to her parents.
“There’s gonna be a point in time where I ultimately will have to choose between my parents and my life. And it’s looking more like I’m gonna have to cut everybody out of my life,” she said. “I don’t know what it is, but my parents, when I talk to them, they make me second-guess everything that I do. When I held them at a distance, I was more confident. I was able to focus and just be happy. But every time they come back into my life, I feel like I’ve reverted back to being a six-year-old with no direction in life. I feel lost. I’m second-guessing everything that I’ve done in the past several years.”
@roopzthereitis
In her second video, she tells about viewers who ask her why she would introduce her partner to such hostile relatives. She explained that she warned him about her family right after meeting on the dating app Hinge.
“So a lot of people in my comments have been asking why I would even bother bringing my partner into a situation where he could possibly be disrespected. When my partner and I met on Hinge, I don’t even think we had physically met yet. We were just talking. Probably like three or four days in. I let him know that there is a 99% chance that he will never meet my parents, and if we were to ever get married. I know, crazy talk. Talking about marriage within three days of speaking, um, that my parents would probably never come to our wedding. I let him know up front that this is the situation that he was going to be in because my parents are inherently racist,” she said.
She noted that the warning applies not only to her parents but to her extended family as well.
“Since then, I have never brought him around to any family functions. He has only met a select few of my cousins that I knew I could trust. Because my parents are not the only ones who are racist. My aunts, my uncles, distant family members, older cousins, community members, they’re all racist. And I did not wanna put him in a situation where he could be disrespected. I have always done my due diligence to protect him from racism, from any type of disrespect. I wouldn’t wanna be disrespected like that, and I would never, ever wanna put him in a situation.”
She said she contacted her father because they plan to marry soon and because she is already estranged from her mother.
“The reason why I wanted my dad to meet him is because we are planning to take the next steps and possibly get engaged. I didn’t want my dad to find it out from somebody else. I wanted him to hear it from me. I thought that my dad would be a little bit more open to it because we do have a good relationship. I’ve already cut off my mom. I haven’t spoken to my mom in 6, 7 years because of her racism. I thought my dad would be slightly different. I’m not saying completely different. I’m saying slightly different. And I was wrong,” she said.
@roopzthereitis
In her third video, which she calls the second part of her explanation of her parents’ views, she says the restrictions start in early childhood and that she hid her friendships to avoid punishment. She repeats a commenter’s opinion.
“Yes. I’ve always known my parents are racist. From the age of five, my parents have instilled in me that I was not allowed to have African American or Puerto Rican friends. So I spent my entire life hiding those types of friendships or relationships so that I wouldn’t get in trouble. Somebody commented on my video that, um, Indian people see blacks as the bottom of the barrel, and that is exactly how they view African Americans and Puerto Ricans. They think that they are substandard. They view them as hoodlums. They just don’t see them as successful,” she said.
Her personal experience contradicts what her parents taught her.
“I was always confused as to why my parents felt this way, because all of my interactions with African Americans and Puerto Ricans have always been pleasant. I’ve learned a lot from them. I admire so much of their culture. I didn’t view them the same way as I. As my parents did. I don’t think it’s fair to say that just because my parents are racist, that I have to limit myself from these type of relationships and friendships that I have built over the years. That’s their problem; it’s not mine. I love my partner, and I love his family. I think they’re super loving. I feel that sometimes they’re better than my parents,” she said.
@roopzthereitis
In a separate video, she answers viewers who encourage her to date within her community because she already has tried it once. Her first marriage was to an Indian man that her parents liked very much.
“A lot of people in my comments said that I should just date somebody within my community. The thing is, I married somebody within my community. He was every Indian parents’ dream son-in-law. Perfect on paper, yet I was so miserable. And he was probably miserable too. We ended up getting a divorce,” she said.
She remembers her parents’ reaction; they told her she ruined her reputation.
“My parents told me that because I was getting divorced, nobody is ever gonna love me. No one is ever gonna look at me. I’m washed up. I’m essentially a loser. And that took such a huge toll on my self-esteem and what my future would look like. Because I still wanted to be with a partner,” she said.
The experience changed her attitude toward her second relationship, she says, and the color of her partner’s skin is not a reason not to date him.
“I went the route that my parents wanted me to go, and it just wasn’t for me. So this time around, I said to myself, I’m not going to live my life for my parents. I wanna live my life for me. And I ended up falling in love with somebody who was outside of my race. It wasn’t like I sought him out specifically because of his race. It just so happened that we matched. And we matched and we did very well together,” she said.
Also, she gives a different version of the conversation with her father than in her first video, saying she wasn’t asking for a meeting.
“I didn’t call my dad to meet my partner. I actually called him to say that I am marrying my partner. And that is the reaction that my dad gave. My dad is never gonna. My parents are never gonna meet him. I just wanted my dad to at least know because he is going to hear it from other people once they find out. I just didn’t want him to hear it from somebody else. I wanted him to hear it from me,” she said.
@roopzthereitis
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